Beautifully Unbroken Read online

  “Let it go, Casey; I don’t want to think about him, remember? That means you can’t talk about him.”

  “Something happened in that bathroom, and I want to know what!” she demanded with a smile.

  “I’m going to make a cup of tea.” I stood and headed to the kitchen, intent on avoiding the looming interrogation.

  I heard Casey scramble off the sofa and follow me close behind. “You are having a strong black coffee,” I said without turning around.

  “Please tell me what happened,” she pleaded as she sat at a breakfast stool, studying me closely from behind her dark shades. “Tell me everything.”

  I sighed and proceeded to place the tea bag into one cup and coffee in another, ignoring the fact that Casey was pressing for detail.

  “Blake will tell Alex, you know. Then I’ll know. So you may as well just tell me.”

  I let out a low growl as I placed her coffee in front of her and took a sip from my tea.

  “We kind of kissed a little. Nothing major, that was all.” I shrugged.

  “So why did you leave? He gave you what you wanted.”

  “What I wanted was to come back from London and have him be waiting for me – no other woman, no Sara,” I said quietly.

  “So after you kissed, you just left him?”

  I nodded.

  “So that would explain why he came back to the table just after you, grabbed his coat, and stormed out,” she recalled.

  “He left?”

  She smiled. “Yep.”

  “And Sara?”

  “Oh, she followed, but he had told her not to. He seemed angry with her. Did you tell him what she did at the party?”

  “Of course I did,” I said simply. “Has Alex heard from him since then?”

  “No.” Casey shook her head sympathetically.

  “Well, they probably rowed about me and then fucked.” I winced at my own words.

  “Josephine Summers! What has gotten into you!” Casey yelled in amusement.

  I sank onto a stool next to Casey and placed my cup on the breakfast bar. I pouted. “Blake has, that’s what. I want to hate him; he has done the one thing that I despise in a man.” I took a deep breath. “But the more I want to hate him, the further in love with him I fall. He seems to have me under some sort of spell that I can’t escape from. I feel like I need him, only him. It’s as if I can’t function without him; is that weird?”

  Casey placed her arm around me, and I dropped my head onto her shoulders.

  “No, it’s not weird. You have fallen for him big time, but he never meant to hurt you, you know. He thought you had slept with Cooper; I think he wanted to hurt you like how he was hurting.”

  “I know. But I can’t let that go.”

  We sat in silence for a moment. Casey comforted me, and I just sat thinking.

  “I know what you need.”

  “Blake is what I need,” I replied.

  “Vegas is what you need,” she stated, nodding excitedly.

  “Vegas?” I asked confusedly, lifting my head from her shoulder.

  “Vegas. Alex and I are flying out this Friday for a couple of days. There’s a club there that he’s interested in, right on the main strip. It’s perfect, and he’s really excited about it. Come with us; you can keep me company while he talks business and shit.”

  I stood and grabbed my cup of tea, heading back to the lounge. “I can’t. I have my audition Tuesday. I need this job, and I want to get it right.”

  “You need a break.”

  “I do; you’re right. But I also need to do what I came here to do, and Tuesday’s audition is big for me. Thanks for the offer, but you go. Enjoy yourself; just don’t do anything stupid like getting married without me, okay?” I forced a smile.

  “I’m sorry you’re hurting; I hate to see you so sad.”

  “He’s just a man.” I waved her off, smiling sadly. “I’ll survive. The past four years have been a breeze; I’m sure I can manage the next forty.”

  “Let’s have a day out tomorrow, just the two of us. We will hit some shops, get a massage and maybe a facial, grab some lunch – what do you say?”

  “I don’t need babysitting, Casey; really, I’m okay.”

  “That’s not why I’m doing it.” She thought for a moment. “Well, it’s not the only reason.” She smirked. “What do you say?”

  “Okay. But any mention of Blake, and I’m coming home.”

  “You will have forgotten all about him by this time tomorrow, I promise.”

  I hoped she was right; I couldn’t bear the ache in my chest any more that had formed when I learnt about him and Sara. I needed to forget him and move on as quickly as possible.

  We had spent most of the day shopping. I hated shopping for clothes. Shoes I adored – a lady can never own enough pairs of shoes – but clothes shopping I detested.

  I wasn’t comfortable enough in my own skin to try on an outfit and think I looked good, unless it was black, which most of my wardrobe was. Casey found it hilarious that everything I bought was black, with very few exceptions.

  Casey, on the other hand, was bold. I don’t think she owned a dark item of clothing. She loved bright and tight; that was her thing. But being five feet eleven and slim with perfect straight blonde hair that travelled to her waist, she could wear anything and look good.

  We finally sat down to a late lunch in our favourite bistro overlooking the Hudson River. My feet were killing me, but we had had the perfect day.

  “Cocktail time,” Casey announced as she browsed the drinks menu.

  “What happened to never again?” I teased.

  “Did I really say that?” Her eyes twinkled as she peered over the top of the menu.

  “Think I’ll have a screwdriver,” she announced to the waiter.

  “Make that two,” I added.

  The waiter retreated as Casey leaned forward and started studying my face. “Well, that was a fun day.”

  “Just what the doctor ordered,” I replied while my eyes scanned the menu. I was starving; I hadn’t eaten yet. In fact, I hadn’t eaten since the previous morning; I was in the habit of eating only when I felt I needed to. I always worried about gaining weight, so eating only when I was hungry had always seemed right. Casey didn’t agree. She would hate it if I skipped breakfast, but I didn’t see the point in eating unless I felt I needed to.

  “Tell me this isn’t the first you’re eating today,” Casey said, as if she had read my mind.

  “I haven’t felt hungry.” I refused to look up.

  “Well, you’d better order plenty, then; you will be wasting away.”

  “Chance would be a fine thing,” I muttered under my breath.

  I had hoped I could get through the day without thinking about Blake, but the truth was that every single second of this day he had been at the forefront of my mind. Casey had behaved and hadn’t once mentioned anything that could be remotely related to him, but it didn’t make it any easier. Where was he? Was he with her? Or had he really finished things completely with her? Why hadn’t he been in touch? Maybe because I had told him it was finished. What a mess.

  “Are you even listening to me, or are you on a different planet over there?” I realized Casey was talking to me. I hadn’t heard a word that she had said. She sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest, a massive grin spread across her face. “Out with it,” she demanded.

  “What?” I replied defensively. “I’m just stuck between the cobbler and the steak, that’s all.”

  “Liar.”

  I let out the breath I had been holding and placed my menu down on the table. “Has Alex heard from Blake?”

  “Yes, he called him late last night.”

  The waiter appeared and placed our drinks in front of us.

  “What did he say?” I must have sounded desperate.

  “I thought we weren’t talking about Blake today,” Casey replied amusedly as she lifted her cocktail and took a long drag through the
straw, her eyes trained on me the whole time.

  “We weren’t, but now we are. I made the rule; I’m changing it. What did he say?”

  She shrugged. “Not much. Oh, but things are definitely one hundred per cent over with Sara.”

  “Did he say anything about me?”

  “He asked how you were, yes.”

  “And?”

  “And that’s it.”

  “What did Alex say about me?”

  “Why do you care? You said it was over between you before it even started.” I could see she was loving every minute of this, and I was hating it. I shouldn’t have cared, but I did; I needed to know everything.

  The waiter returned and took our orders before again retreating to the kitchen.

  “I just … I don’t know,” I said, deflated.

  “Look. I know he did wrong to you, but he regrets it. I mean he really regrets it. Talk to him.”

  I shook my head. “There’s no way I’m going to go running to him after everything that has happened.”

  “Well, for someone who doesn’t care, you certainly seem to be asking a lot of questions.”

  I spent the better part of Friday morning listening to Casey’s constant panic. She had so far that day lost her favourite bikini, her hair straighteners, and her iPod, and Alex was due here to pick her up in the next ten minutes.

  “How can I go to Vegas without my iPod? I just can’t!” she yelled. “It’s okay; I’ve found it,” she yelled again before I had a chance to reply.

  “Maybe if you looked after your things, you wouldn’t be in such a panic now.”

  “Okay, Mom,” she replied as she pulled her huge case through to the lounge, causing me to burst out laughing.

  “You’re only going for two nights; what the hell is in that case?”

  “Essentials,” she answered excitedly.

  On cue, Alex entered the apartment and called out to Casey before spotting her in the lounge.

  “Travelling light?” he said, eying her case with wide eyes. She walked over and wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a massive, long kiss.

  “Hey there,” Alex said sounding like a love-struck teenager.

  “Hey there yourself,” Casey replied.

  “Uurrgghh. Get out of here, you two, before I throw up,” I mocked.

  “Hey Jo,” Alex greeted me shyly.

  I loved Alex. He was nothing like the way he appeared on the outside. To look at him you would imagine the toughest man on the earth, with his bulging biceps and buzz cut, but he was one of the most caring, sensitive men I had ever met.

  “Are you gonna be okay? I hate leaving you like this,” Casey said.

  I looked down at my clothes. “Would you rather I dressed up to wave you off?”

  “You know what I mean.” She tilted her head sympathetically.

  “Look, I have a bubble bath with my name on it waiting in there. I then intend to indulge in a box set of zombie films whilst drinking wine and eating my meal for one. I’m going to be just fine. Now get out of here before I have you physically removed by Peter.”

  I headed past them both and opened the door.

  “See you Sunday.” Casey wrapped her arms around me and whispered into my ear, “Call him.”

  I loosed her and narrowed my eyes at her. “Don’t go getting drunk, okay?”

  “Am I ever gonna live that down?”

  I scrunched my nose and thought for a moment. “Doubt it.”

  It was actually nice to have the apartment to myself. I enjoyed a long soak in the bath, surrounded by candles as Ellie Goulding’s voice floated through the apartment. I had also by now almost memorized every line of the practice scripts that had been sent to me only a few days prior. For the first time in a while, I felt relaxed and peaceful, and I had managed to not think about Blake for at least the past ten minutes.

  The phone rang just as I stepped out of the bath, and I was surprised to see Mum’s name pop up, as it was after midnight back home.

  “Mum?”

  “Don’t panic, Josephine; everything is fine.” Her voice sounded calm and smooth for the first time in so long.

  “Why are you still awake? It’s late.” I grabbed my robe and quickly tied it at the side before making my way to the kitchen and pouring myself a large glass of wine.

  “You know I don’t sleep much, and I knew you were alone. Just wanted to see how you were doing.”

  “You’re checking up on me.” I smiled as I took a large gulp of wine. It tingled in my belly as it went down.

  “Well, with Casey away …” She trailed off.

  I smiled. “I’m a big girl now, Mum.”

  “But to me you will always be my baby girl.”

  My heart tightened with love for my mum in that moment; she was the bravest person I knew, and yet she spent her whole life worrying about everyone else. “I miss you so much, Mum.” I sucked in a deep breath to stop the tears from flowing; I didn’t want to show Mum I was upset when I was so far away from her.

  “I miss you too, darling.”

  “Is everyone looking after you?” I knew Uncle Anthony had promised me that Mum would never be alone, but I wanted to hear her tell me.

  “They won’t leave me be, dear.” She said this so quietly, as though they could all hear every word she was saying. I giggled.

  “Ah and I have some wonderful news. Well, two lots actually.”

  “I love good news.” I smiled, poking a fork into the plastic wrapper on my meal for one.

  “Are you having one of those horrid microwave meals for your dinner?” I could hear the disgust in her voice. “You need to eat properly, darling; those meals are no good for you whatsoever.” I rolled my eyes. “And don’t roll your eyes at me.”

  “How did you—”

  “Mother knows everything, dear.” I heard the amusement in her voice, and we both chuckled.

  “Come on, then, tell me the good news.”

  “Your cousin Jemma called earlier; they are expecting a baby in December.”

  “Wow, that’s amazing! I’ll have to call her; they’ve kept that quiet.”

  “They wanted to make sure all was okay. She said they have been trying for a few years now. They almost gave up, bless them.”

  “That’s fantastic. I couldn’t be happier for them. Now, how is the second news going to top that?”

  “I’ve decided to go back to work next week.”

  “What! Mum, it is way too soon for that; don’t you dare.”

  “Darling, it is driving me insane being cooped up here. I need normality, I need to be around different people, I need to get lost in character, give my mind a rest from thinking. You understand that, don’t you?”

  I did. Getting back into acting was helping me forget everything in the real world. Even for just those few moments, it definitely helped.

  “I understand, Mum. But if it gets too much—”

  “I know,” she interrupted, “if it gets too much, I’ll step back. Don’t you worry about me. Now, have you seen that boy of yours yet?”

  “Yep, and don’t get excited because things are over before they even started.”

  “Oh darling, why?”

  “It’s just … complicated.”

  “You have gone and pushed him away, haven’t you.” I heard her sigh. “Josephine, the way you spoke to me about him, I thought he could have been the best thing to happen to you in so long.”

  “Yes, well, things are never as they seem, are they.”

  Mum started speaking – actually nagging me – about Blake and my insecurities, but a knock at the door interrupted my telling off. “Just a second, Mum, there’s someone at the door.”

  She continued, however, to rant about how I will end up old and alone if I continue to push those away who want to be with me. I listened and rolled my eyes at her as I made my way to the door.

  My chin almost hit the floor as I opened the door to Blake.

  “Hi,” he said nervously as he st
ood in the hallway, hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels.

  “Mum, I’m going to have to call you back,” I said.

  I heard Mum gasp. “He’s there, isn’t he?” I couldn’t reply. “Don’t you go messing this up, darling; don’t you keep pushing him away, do you hear me?”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow, Mum; I love you.” I hung up the phone without taking my eyes from Blake. He was here, standing in the hallway outside my apartment.

  “Is your mom okay?” He removed his hands from his pockets and looked at his watch. “It’s late in London.”

  “She doesn’t sleep much and likes to keep an eye on me.” I realized I was standing there in only my robe. I pulled it closer together and tightened the belt. “Especially with Casey and Alex away.”

  “Of course. Vegas.”

  An awkward silence quickly formed as I realized that Blake was still standing on the outside of the apartment.

  “Can we talk, please?”

  “Did we not say everything we had to say on Monday?”

  “I didn’t,” he said carefully. With each word he spoke, I felt my heart breaking just a little more. God, he was beautiful; I could never forget just how much, but every time he stood in front of me, I would notice it even more.

  “Come in.” I stepped back to give him access to the apartment. His scent hit me as he passed by, sending shockwaves straight between my thighs. How did he always manage that with just his scent? It had always taken at least a good kiss from someone to really get me going, but with Blake, just his presence, his voice, and even just his scent could drive me crazy and make me want to rip his clothes off and make love to him over and over again.

  I closed the door, realizing I had been standing there drooling over him while he had made his way through to the kitchen. I quickly followed behind.

  “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

  I smiled nervously. “No, nothing.” I swept past him and placed my box meal back into the fridge. “Can I get you a glass of wine?” I offered without turning to face him.

  “Wine would be good, thank you.”

  I poured Blake a glass of wine and handed it to him before taking a longer-than-necessary sip from mine.