Beautifully Unbroken Read online

  “I don’t want to go back, Mum; I want to stay here with you, and Dad would want that too.” I said quietly whilst trying to gauge her reaction.

  “Your father would want what is right for you, and staying here isn’t.” I opened my mouth to protest but was quickly stopped when Mum continued. “Do you have any idea how proud your father was when you got the call for New York?” She shut off the tap and placed a piece of tissue around my finger before lifting her eyes to meet mine. “He would want you to go back there, not waste your life here, where you became too afraid to even leave the house. New York has changed you.” Mum gently brushed my face with her hand. “You’re no longer the timid girl who left; you’re strong now, confident and happy, and I want to see you continue to grow, I don’t want to see you revert back to the girl who left here 18 months ago.” She smiled.

  “I don’t want to leave you, Mum, it will kill me to leave you here alone.”

  Mum left me and headed back to finish chopping the vegetables. “I am far from alone, Josephine. You have seen this house recently; it’s like Piccadilly Circus most days.” She smiled slightly.

  “And how about when it all dies down and people stop coming around so much, what then?”

  “You know our family, darling. That is never going to happen.” She laughed once and shook her head.

  I shrugged. “It’s decided anyway. I called my agent yesterday; he’s going to cancel all meetings and auditions that I had lined up.”

  “Yes, dear, I know you did. I heard the call you made.” She started to smirk. “And while you were in the shower, I called him back and made sure that he didn’t follow any instruction that you had given him.”

  My mouth fell open.

  “Oh, close your mouth, dear; you will catch flies like that.”

  “You called Max?” I asked in shock.

  “Don’t ever underestimate my abilities to make sure you do the right thing in your life, Josephine. You may be twenty-five years old” – she waggled the knife in the air – “but I’m still your mother, dear, and as the saying goes, ‘Mother knows best.’”

  “I can’t believe you called him.”

  “Oh,” she said, stopping mid-step to the oven before turning to face me, “and if you don’t go back to New York, I may be forced to call that man you are in love with too. Blake, wasn’t it?” She was smirking and mocking me. I hadn’t seen Mum smile or play like this for so long. My chest hurt from the love I was feeling for her in that moment.

  She turned and carried on over to the oven.

  “You wouldn’t.”

  “Oh, I would.”

  “You don’t even have his number.” I stated matter-of-factly.

  “Oh, I do. I took it from your phone just in case I got this reaction from you.”

  “You … you …” I was speechless and struggling to put two words together.

  “Look.” Mum placed the roasting tin in the oven and turned back to me. “I know why you want to stay; I do. And I understand. I love you, and that is never going to change, but if you want to do something for me, then go. If things don’t work out, then of course you can come home. This will always be your home, but I want you to go; I want you to make your Dad even prouder of you than he already was, please.”

  I sighed and closed the distance between Mum and me. “But I’m really going to miss you.”

  Mum wrapped her arms around me and breathed deeply. “And I will miss you too, but I need you to do this, for me and for your father.”

  I sat in front of Dad’s grave surrounded by the many flowers and wreaths that people had sent on the day of the funeral. Even now, almost two weeks after we had buried him, they continued to blossom. Some of the cards were fading, but I could still make out messages and condolences that had been sent.

  The whole thing still felt so surreal.

  Coming here to speak to my dad felt strange, yet comforting. I had felt his presence a lot over the past few days while I toyed with going back to New York. I suppose all I really wanted was some sort of sign from him, something from Dad that would tell me that going and leaving Mum here was what he wanted. I hated the thought that going could upset him; I needed his answer somehow, just a sign, just something that would ease the pain.

  I took a deep breath and began to talk. “Daddy,” My voice seemed to echo around me. I was alone except for an old couple in the far distance. I felt my eyes well up before the first tear escaped.

  “I wish I could have hugged you one last time, Dad. I wish I could have told you just how much I loved you. I know we talked to you in hospital, but not knowing whether you heard me just makes it so much harder. I really hope that you can hear me now. In fact, I truly believe that you can hear me now, can’t you.”

  I wiped my eyes on the back of my sleeve and took another deep breath.

  “Why did you have to leave us? Why couldn’t you have stayed, why you and no one else? You are the most amazing person I have ever known. You were the first man that I ever loved and I will always love you Daddy, always. No man that I will ever meet will ever compare to you, ever.” I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes yet again.

  “I don’t want to go back to New York, Daddy; I don’t feel that it’s the right thing to do. How can I leave Mum here alone? I feel like I’m abandoning her. It’s wrong; it’s just insane.” My voice was getting louder, and the more I thought about it, the more selfish I felt leaving her would be, whether she wanted me to or not.

  “But you know what she’s like.” I rolled my eyes and smiled. “She’s the boss, eh Dad? But I need to know what you want me to do. I want to do the right thing, Daddy, but I need you to somehow tell me what that is.” I looked up to the sky, waiting for some sort of sign from him.

  Looking back down to where his grave lay, I sighed.

  “I will never, ever forget you, Daddy. I’ve loved you from the moment I laid my eyes on you. You were the best daddy any girl could ever wish for. I hope that if I ever do get married and have children, that their dad can be even just half the dad you were. That would be perfection. And I will make sure I make you proud; I will do everything I can to make that happen.”

  I sucked in a deep, shaky breath. “And I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for not listening to you about Michael; you did always know what was best for me, and I ignored you. If I could go back now, I would have no option other than to listen to you. I’m so sorry that I didn’t.” I sighed, unsure of what to do or say next.

  After a couple moments of silence, I stood and looked down to Dad’s grave.

  “Please tell me what to do, Daddy. Should I go or should I stay? Please tell me. Somehow, I need to know.” I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. “I love you to the moon and back. Always have. Always will.”

  I blew Dad a kiss and turned and headed back to the car.

  “Hi Jo.”

  A familiar voice startled me. My head immediately shot up to find Michael leaning against the driver’s door of my car. He had his arms folded defensively across his chest; his expression was wary.

  “What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were in Italy?”

  “Season’s finished I’m visiting Mum and Dad for a while before heading off to Brazil.”

  He had obviously made the squad for the World Cup; however, he wouldn’t be getting my congratulations.

  “Move away from the car, Michael.” I stopped just a couple of feet away from him. I hadn’t been near Michael since he visited me in hospital, practically begging me to lie to the police about what had happened, scared for himself more than me.

  “I’m sorry about your dad.”

  “He hated you,” I spat out.

  He nodded and pushed away from the car but still stood too close for me to be able to open the door.

  “I deserved that,” he sighed. “But I’m still sorry.”

  I started looking for my keys, trying my best to ignore that the man who ruined me was standing only a few inches away.

  “How
’s New York? You look good.”

  “None of your business,” I replied in a harsh tone. “Ruined any more of your girlfriends’ lives yet?”

  “I deserved that too.” He nodded.

  “Damn right you deserved it. You deserve a damn sight more, too. You ruined my life, Michael; you reduced me into a shell of who I was. And what about poor Imogen? Do you ever think about her and what became of her because of you?” He attempted to answer, but I hadn’t quite finished. “How dare you stand here now and tell me how sorry you are about my dad and think you can speak to me as if nothing ever happened.”

  “I’ve changed, Jo; I’m not that person any more, I swear.”

  I let out a hard laugh and shook my head.

  “It’s true, Jo. I’m sorry, truly sorry, for everything.”

  I stepped around him, and as I moved to open the door, his hand grabbed my wrist.

  “Get your hands off me now,” I said angrily. My heart started to bang hard against my chest. I didn’t fear him; I feared the memories.

  “I’ve never got over you, Jo. I was young, I was foolish. The fame, the money – it all got into me. But what happened – it was a wake-up call. I wasn’t in control then, but I am now, I swear.”

  I looked up into his eyes; he was a lot taller than I was, but he had lowered his head towards me. He was still as good looking as I remembered, and I still found myself attracted to him, but the good looks were just a mask, covering up the person that he truly was underneath.

  “Someone died because of us, Michael,” I choked out.

  “Don’t you think I know that? Every minute of every fucking day I know that.”

  “I loved you,” I choked out. “I fell out with my parents because of you.” I took a deep, shaky breath. “And then I ended up in hospital” – I swallowed hard – “because of you.”

  I could see the regret in his eyes, but there would never be any turning back.

  “I still love you,” he said as I opened the door and went to step in.

  Laughing, I shook my head in disbelief.

  “You don’t have a single clue what love is, Michael.”

  I slammed the door shut and started the engine.

  “Don’t go back to New York.” He was leaning against the door again, poking his head in through the open window. “We could try again. I’ll do it all properly this time, I swear. I’ll treat you how I should have before. We were good together, Jo, and I can tell you still have feelings for me. Please, stay.”

  “Sorry, Michael.” A small smiled tugged at my lips despite the pain I was feeling inside. “My life is in New York now. The past is exactly that; it’s the past.” I shrugged. “It’s gone. I’ve started a new chapter in my life now. New friends, new jobs, and I love it there. I wouldn’t give you a second chance if the apocalypse struck now and we were the only two humans left standing.”

  He stepped back, stunned at my words.

  “Oh and when you do finally meet someone, and they fall for your spell, Do the right thing. Be a man, a real man, and love her – like you should have loved me. Goodbye, Michael.”

  Before he had a chance to answer, I put the car into gear and sped away. I didn’t even look back. My mind was made up; I was going back to New York. “Thanks, Daddy,” I said, smiling.

  4

  It had taken every ounce of my strength to peel myself from Mum’s arms as I headed through Departures at Heathrow Airport.

  The last time I had been here was to jet off to my new life. Things had changed considerably since that day. But thanks to what I considered to be a sign from Dad, I was heading back to continue what I had left just over three weeks ago in New York.

  “Don’t you waste a single second when you get back, do you hear me? You tell that boy exactly how you feel. Don’t let him slip away, darling; you deserve to be happy.” I smiled, remembering Mum’s words. She was such a romantic.

  Leaving her had been tough, but both Mum and my uncle had reassured me that Mum would never be alone, and again the old saying “You’re only seven hours away” was used constantly to squash my doubts.

  I was shattered; everything that had happened over the past three weeks had really taken it out of me. The plane hadn’t even made it to thirty thousand feet when I felt the heaviness take over my eyes. I slept the whole way back to New York.

  I stepped out of the airport and waited patiently for a cab. I hadn’t told Casey I was travelling back today. I didn’t want a fuss or a welcome-back committee; I just wanted to slip back into my apartment and start a fresh life here the next day.

  The heat was a killer. July was here now, and even though it was late evening, my clothes clung to me as though I had just stepped out of the shower. I’d forgotten just how humid summer in New York was. I’d also forgotten how much I loved it here. The familiarity as we drove through the busy streets made me feel like I had come home – the smell of the food carts, the honking of car horns, the crammed pavements, even at this time of the night. It all felt like home.

  I stepped into our apartment building and was greeting immediately by Peter. “Miss Summers, how lovely to have you back.” He smiled.

  “It’s good to be back,” I replied as I headed to the lift.

  I had so many things going through my mind on the ride up to our fifteenth-floor apartment. Mostly, what I would be saying to Blake the following day. The more I thought about him, the more exited I became. The explosion of butterflies was back in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t wait to see him, even though I was equally as nervous. I had really missed seeing him around.

  I hoped that Casey would be staying the night at Alex’s apartment, enabling me to sneak in unnoticed and get a good night’s rest, but when I opened the door and heard her laughter bouncing from the walls, it made me smile. I had really missed her.

  I left my case in the hallway and stepped into the kitchen. Casey and Alex were loading the dishwasher while enjoying a private joke. Their laughter continued as I cleared my throat.

  “Hi,” I interrupted.

  Casey swung around first; her mouth fell open at the sight of me standing there. “Oh my God, you’re home!” Within two big leaps, she had me in her arms, holding me so tightly I could barely breathe. “Why didn’t you say you were coming; we could have come and gotten you,” she said, still clinging to me tightly.

  “It was a bit last minute.”

  Casey released me and held me at arm’s length, studying my face.

  “How are you?”

  I nodded but didn’t know what to reply. “I’m getting there.”

  “Hey, Jo, I’m sorry about your father.” Alex stepped forward and hugged me briefly

  “Thank you.”

  “We’ve just eaten, but shall I make you something? You must be hungry,” Casey asked.

  “I’m okay, thank you. I’m just going to grab a shower and go to bed; I’m exhausted.”

  “I bet.” Casey smiled sweetly. “How about I bring you a nice cup of tea instead then?”

  I smiled. “Perfect, thank you.”

  “It’s really good to have you back, Jo; I’ve missed you so much,” Casey said before hugging me once more.

  “It’s good to be back,” I said before releasing Casey and turning to head to the bedroom. “I’ll see you both in the morning.” Just as I turned, I was greeted with the most unexpected sight. “Blake,” I gasped. “Hi.”

  He smiled. “Jo, you’re back.” His smile widened as he held out his arms to welcome me.

  Immediately I walked to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. His hands wrapped around my waist tightly. He was breathing deeply into my hair, breathing me in. I responded to his touch; my whole body began to tingle, and the area between my thighs throbbed with want. God, I had missed him, even more than I imagined I had. Being out of his presence had made my mind forget just how good he felt – his scent, his warmth, the comfort I felt from just being around him. It had all come flooding back, and if it was possible, I wanted hi
m even more now than when I had left him at the party.

  I heard Alex clear his throat, clearly confused by what was happening. I stepped back and smiled up at Blake.

  “It’s good to see you,” I said.

  He smiled back. “You too, I’m sorry about your father; it must have been awful for you all.” His smile faded, and concern etched his face. I nodded and was about to respond when Blake’s phone started to buzz. Casey and Alex broke out into a mixture of amusement and annoyance. Casey started growling, while Alex just laughed hysterically.

  “Just answer the damn thing, Blake!” Casey yelled. “That’s what, the thirtieth time tonight? She’s obviously got it bad.”

  “Don’t do it, Blake; you need to change the damn number, not answer it,” Alex laughed.

  I looked from Casey and Alex to Blake. “Who’s she?” Blake was messing with his phone; he shrugged slightly but kept his eyes down on the screen.

  “Who is she?” I tried again, this time turning my attention to Casey.

  “Sara,” she replied, completely unamused.

  “You’re seeing Sara?” I asked, turning back to Blake.

  “No,” he replied.

  “Yes he is,” Casey said as she turned and continued cleaning the kitchen units.

  “More like as and when you feel like it, eh, Blake?” Alex gave a smirk which soon faded when Casey gave him a punch to the arm. “Ouch.” he mouthed.

  Blake and I stood looking at each other for a long moment, my eyes searching his for answers, just anything that he could tell me that meant I was imagining it all. If someone had run up to me in that moment and punched me in the stomach, the pain would feel like nothing compared to the pain in my chest that had formed in the past few minutes. His eyes were full of emotion, yet he never once offered an explanation. Not that I needed one. He was sleeping with Sara; that much I knew was true. I had left him at the party to fly home to be with my dying father. I had left him there only minutes after he made his feelings for me obvious, and then he had slept with Sara.

  The room fell silent. Casey and Alex had no idea what had happened between Blake and me before I left. Well, at least I knew Casey hadn’t any idea, and judging by Alex’s outbursts of laughter every few seconds, I imagine he had no idea either.